i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
