i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
