If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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