I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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