That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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