What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
