i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
