Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
