can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize