she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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