Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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