She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
