How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
