The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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