you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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