I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
