That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
