This girl is more easily done than said...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
