I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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