Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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