Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
