Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
