i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
