Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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