I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize