My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
