erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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