i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
