he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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