Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish you could order shots online.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
