That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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