I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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