My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
