so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
