i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
