Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize