matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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