Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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