my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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