just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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