The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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