I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
