You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
