talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
