whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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