:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
