do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I love having hate sex.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
