i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
