I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
