My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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