Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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