I think I am morally bankrupt
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
