Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
