Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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