Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
