Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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