Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
