Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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