You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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