Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
