you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
