I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
