Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
