Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All the doctor said was why
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
