Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
