her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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