found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
