bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
