I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
