If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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