somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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