my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
