So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
