Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
