I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You took a bar mat shot.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
