Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
