It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
