omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
