It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
