i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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