sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
