Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
