I wanna bring you to show and tell
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize