Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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