White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
