i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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