omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
