Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
