i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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