every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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