All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
