i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize