cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
