I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i permit you to call me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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