Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
