to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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