You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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