Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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