My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
