I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
