We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
