ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
