i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
