So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
