First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
