I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
