So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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