That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
