Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I supernannyed him into submission
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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