Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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