i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize