I looked at my own cervix.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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