I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
