Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
