In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
