Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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