The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
