make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize